five years of gratitude

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Five years ago today, i lost someone.

I thought this would be an easy post to write. Cosmic connections. Celestial elevators. Babies one week from due dates that go in their sleep.

Tya Marie would be five today, if she had survived her treacherous passage into this world. That means that when she went, I was a young twenty-eight, and L. was a energetic toddler.

I was swallowed by the darkness. I could go on about the things that brought me out of the haze of loss: taking off to Thailand with a kicking two-year old, worshiping a quartz crystal that i strung around my neck and talked to, or writing a crazy book .

But the things that really helped me through the grief weren’t things.  They were people.

An amazing man, who listened and loved me. A caring family who were willing to walk into the silence of our loss. Friends who not only stood by us at the time, but who continue to share with us in our journey today.

I am grateful to so many who have helped me through these last five years, and barring an emotional outburst, the waterfall of wonderful women pictured above is just a beginning.

Baby loss brings with it a complicated grief. And through this, I hope that I’ve been able to help others through the struggle of miscarriage and late pregnancy loss. These are people who continue to inspire and move me with their courage, their hope. I hope that — as when we lost Tya — my presence can speak for itself, where no words can go.

I am here for you.

T- wherever you are. We love you and we’re okay. You shine alongside your big sister, who misses you furiously, and your new little brother, who will plant the seeds of youth in your honor.

But we are forever changed. And now to the road ahead.

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9 responses to “five years of gratitude

  1. Lovely…and the healing and growth is apparent…David

  2. Baby T. She holds such a special place in all our hearts, Mo. xoxox

  3. Always present, never forgotten. By any of us. Happy 5, Little T, and happy healing and remembering, Tya’s family!

  4. Love you Mo!

  5. Thanks for remembering, everyone. Means a lot to me!

  6. Crying both tears of loss and tears of joy and feeling time passing….love you all.
    xox

  7. Beautiful, Mo. Thank you for letting the silence shine through the post.
    Let us remember that a life should never be judged by its length, but rather by its impact. Tya still lives, obviously.

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